The future – a super intimidating word for me (at least at the moment).
I have just finished my exams at college this week and it’s really struck me the lack of plans I’ve got for the future. I’m the sort of person that sort of lets life and things run its course and I’ve never really made clearly defined goals before, such as I want to be a teacher or have a car of my own in 5 years. I find heavily planning for the future daunting as I don’t like the concept of being tied down to one strict pathway. During everyday life I make goals and lists for myself but long term planning has never seemed necessary for me. I’m writing this post in a way to put my feelings out there but to also hear about what other think and feel about the future. Should your future be mapped out? All of my friends and peers seem to have it sorted they’re off to university or already have jobs and I’m in this sort of limbo where I’m not really sure where I’m going. I’ve decided to not go to uni this year as I don’t feel ready for it and haven’t really discovered what I would like to study. I’ve had a whole range of comments on this and when I’ve told people I’ve got no clue what I want to do their response is often “Yeah but you can’t just expect things to fall into place”. It’s pretty naïve to think that, but a big part of me still does think that and I’ve always been ok with that. I’m under no illusion that it’s just me that feels like that because deep down I’m sure everybody has these feelings. Increasingly I’ve found that plans act like a sort of mask for this uncertainty.
I think really and truly it’s the pressure from others that has sort of made the future daunting. I MEAN when I really think about it the future is exciting and I like to just leave it as that rather than meticulously plan it out. I want to be much more present in daily life and I’ve found this extremely helpful in coping with my worrying and keeping me grounded, however the constant talk of the future sways the contentment of living for the day not the next 10 years. I mean today my best friend really got me thinking of the future. She was talking about how a woman’s fertility decreases by the time she’s 30 and really you need to have your children before then if you want to ensure conception. I MEAN I’M 18 and can’t see children in the next 10 years, it almost seems absurd to me. I understand that who knows how I will feel in the next few years and that’s why I never really think about these things, because everything is of course subject to change.
I have interests and things I want to pursue. Like I have a goal to get a job, because I do need the experience and to contribute to my home financially to help out my parents. I am extremely interested in anthropology and am hoping to get some voluntary work within my local museum. I also want to do a part time course in Indian head massage, as well as keep up with my French speaking and start to learn Korean. When I think of stuff like this it makes me feel a lot better, because not having a clearly defined future doesn’t make you boring, or lazy, or disinterested. Pursue your interests and reach a level of contentment in whatever way works for you. I feel like this entire post has sort of reassured me that ACTUALLY the future is daunting in some ways, but also exciting. I think it’s ok to not have massive plans because doing the things you love everyday contribute to creating opportunities and fulfilment. The future is unknown and I prefer to keep it that way.