Being a loner.

This image is by Daehyun Kim and is from his website http://www.moonassi.com/ .
This image is by Daehyun Kim and is from his website http://www.moonassi.com/ .

I guess you could say I spent the past two years of my life being a loner. It’s not that I chose to be alone, but that’s just sort of how things worked out and I loved it.

Since a very young age I’d always been able to entertain and amuse myself in imaginary worlds with my dolls, but I’d always had quite a lot of friends so I was never what you might call a loner. Secondary school I had friends, I even established a sort of group of friends in the last two years. I was around more people than I could ever imagine back then. Meeting new people, going out and hanging with friends was part of my routine. I love being around people and interacting and learning about others.  But I also learnt that I love being alone.

When I started college at 16 two years ago I was thrown into the deep end. My best friend who was pretty much the only person I had a solid friendship, other friends from the past faded into their own lives and that was perfectly fine. We both went to different colleges meaning I was alone. I thought I would make lots of friends and have this buzzing social life. It didn’t quite work out like that. I didn’t really establish any proper connections. I would chat and laugh with people in class but beyond the classroom door the interaction stopped. I’m not the sort of person to inflict myself upon others, I think too much which can be a bit of a problem. I found myself spending free periods and lunch times alone. I’d seat and eat outside in the sunshine and in the rain I’d be found in the library reading. At first I felt embarrassed and self conscious. In such a busy college you feel vulnerable and exposed when you walk around on your own, eat on your own and walk home on your own. I soon got used to it and it felt natural and normal after a few weeks.

It’s not that I gave up on making friends, it’s just that I felt completely content with myself. I think that it is important to feel comfortable in yourself and to enjoy your own company. I did end up making a few friends at college, who since I’ve finished I haven’t really stayed in contact with, but like I said before people fade into their own lives and that’s totally fine. Being a loner is often viewed as a choice somebody makes because they don’t like others. But sometimes it’s not a choice, in my experience it was a situation that I was faced with that I didn’t feel the need to change.

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3 thoughts on “Being a loner.

  1. Awwwe I love this because it’s so honest!!! And I WENT THROUGH THE EXACT SAME THING! in school but it does make you fall in love with yourself and books and takes you to this whole new world of possibilities outside of that bubble of friends and people on school! Lovley post! Really inspiring ! You are an inspiration:) xx

    1. I sort of thought that it would be something that would relate to a lot of people even though at the time I thought it was just me feeling like this. Now when I see people by themselves I can see it in a more positive light 🙂 PLUS YOU’RE AN INSPIRATION, seriously you’re super knowledgeable and I’ve learnt a lot from your posts! xx

  2. I agree that being alone often results from our circumstances rather than from choice. I was glad to read that you found a place within yourself to embrace that alone time and not sink into negativity or depression

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