I guess you could say I spent the past two years of my life being a loner. It’s not that I chose to be alone, but that’s just sort of how things worked out and I loved it.
Since a very young age I’d always been able to entertain and amuse myself in imaginary worlds with my dolls, but I’d always had quite a lot of friends so I was never what you might call a loner. Secondary school I had friends, I even established a sort of group of friends in the last two years. I was around more people than I could ever imagine back then. Meeting new people, going out and hanging with friends was part of my routine. I love being around people and interacting and learning about others. But I also learnt that I love being alone.
When I started college at 16 two years ago I was thrown into the deep end. My best friend who was pretty much the only person I had a solid friendship, other friends from the past faded into their own lives and that was perfectly fine. We both went to different colleges meaning I was alone. I thought I would make lots of friends and have this buzzing social life. It didn’t quite work out like that. I didn’t really establish any proper connections. I would chat and laugh with people in class but beyond the classroom door the interaction stopped. I’m not the sort of person to inflict myself upon others, I think too much which can be a bit of a problem. I found myself spending free periods and lunch times alone. I’d seat and eat outside in the sunshine and in the rain I’d be found in the library reading. At first I felt embarrassed and self conscious. In such a busy college you feel vulnerable and exposed when you walk around on your own, eat on your own and walk home on your own. I soon got used to it and it felt natural and normal after a few weeks.
It’s not that I gave up on making friends, it’s just that I felt completely content with myself. I think that it is important to feel comfortable in yourself and to enjoy your own company. I did end up making a few friends at college, who since I’ve finished I haven’t really stayed in contact with, but like I said before people fade into their own lives and that’s totally fine. Being a loner is often viewed as a choice somebody makes because they don’t like others. But sometimes it’s not a choice, in my experience it was a situation that I was faced with that I didn’t feel the need to change.